Author's Corner

10 WAYS TO SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP AND STILL WRITE

I have been married for donkey's years, (twenty two, actually) and in all that time, the one common complaint I have heard from my beloved husband is, 'Whenever your writing is not going well, you take it out one me!'  Now I would love to say that he was lying, that I am but an angel to live with and my temper has never ever flared!  I would love to say all that, but I can't....for if truth be told; I am a moody cow when my writing is not going well!  And although I would often lie awake, at night watching my husband's back as he soundly slept and whisper at the back of his head 'Oh how I love thee,' and berate myself for being such a cow; the grudge has been held and in the morning he is grumpy and has murder written around the rims of his eyes.  And try as I might to make it up to him; breakfast is a morbid affair and the rest of the day is dragged through with dread and unease!  Not to mention of course, the good days when I have him under duress and force him to listen to chapter after chapter of my unfinished, uncorrected work.  And then of course there are the dark, Godforsaken nights where I sob my heart out and ask 'Why am I doing so badly?'  Or when he is forced to listen to extracts of my novel where romance is flourishing and yet meanwhile in reality, I'm turning in at half past nine every evening!  And yet, through out all of this, my darling husband has stayed faithfully by my side and showed me love and companionship and never doubted my ability to write!

Needless to say, I am one of the lucky ones; my husband is either madly in love with me, or he is so heavily sedated and so far past caring that he just doesn't notice how moody I can get!  So here are some words of advice, some perils of wisdom from the moodiest cow in the world (who still hasn't cleaned up her act) on how to save your relationship and still write!

1)   Remember that you are the one who has the desire and passion and dream to become a writer, you spouse/partner has nothing to do with it; they just happen to be in a relationship with you!

2)   Never take your anger out on them; what the publisher/literary agent wrote or said to you is not necessary what your partner thinks!

3)   Romantic dinners should be just that, not a discussion on your book plans!

4)   Never make them listen to chapters if they don't want to, imagine if your scientist, teacher, electrician or doctor partner made you go through pages and pages of literature on their subject of interest!  

5)   If you have lost your temper, blown a fuse, or screamed like a mad person at your partner....say sorry, it actually works.

6)   Most writers write from home, be careful not to lock yourself away in the office late into the night!  Remember, you must distinguish between work time and family time!  Always clock off at about six in the evening and 'come home' to the family!

7)   Take time to be interested in what your partner does, likes and wants, remember they too have a need to be recognised!

8)   Be humble; nobody likes a snob, nobody appreciates someone who thinks that they are better then others!

9)   Always include your partner in your success, a 'Thanks for all your moral support,' will more than boost his/ego!

10)  Finally, just like you can conjure up romance in your books, just like you know the right words your character needs to say to induce romance; do the same in your life!  Be romantic, be seductive, be your partner's fantasy!