AUTHOR'S CORNER:

THE MISFORTUNES OF ELLIE-MAY  -  REVISTED

Dear readers, for the past few months I have been blogging about the things writers need to do in order to gain success in the publishing world.  I have given you the benefit of my limited experience, as I am quite knew at this game, my first novel published only last year.  In this year, I have learned (the shocking and painful) truth about self promoting and how difficult it is to actually get the right attention for one's book.  It has also been a very interesting year, I may add, as I have learned so much about the web (I used to be a web coward) and how to use the marketing tools which are thankfully available.  

I feel that at this point, I must firstly thank you for following my blog and taking an interest in what I had to say.  I am very pleased to say, that I have a healthy following and my blog page is frequently visited.  For this my warmest, most sincere gratitude is extended to each and every single one of you; for without your interest I am nothing!  Every artist is made by the people who take interest in him or her, as people are the decisive factor as to whether their art is accepted or not. 

Secondly, I have come to a point where now I feel that although you know me, you need to know more about my novel and what kind of style I write in.  It is only fair that I give a little of myself, just as you have given a little of your time to me.  I feel that I should give you, dear readers, a sort of synopsis or description of my novel, as my second novel entitled 'The Devil's Truth' is due out in 2013, and soon it will be the next topic of conversation.  So today I shall revisit 'The Misfortunes of Ellie-May' and give you - dear readers, an insight of what it is about....

THE MISFORTUNES OF ELLIE-MAY

Ellie-May Brown was born in the late sixties to hippy parents, Malcolm and Gloria Brown.  She was a beautiful girl with long blonde hair, a button nose, full lips and big blue eyes that could entrap any man with just one glance.  Tall, slim with a perfect figure and a pert bottom and breasts that were neither too big nor too small, but big enough to see and small enough to cup in the palm of one's hand.  As beautiful as she was, she was troubled and disturbed by her disruptive upbringing.  With a selfish father who was resentful of the fact that he had to conform to a conventional life, he often took pleasure out of being mentally cruel to her mother, who was an alcoholic as a result of his unreasonable behaviour.  Ellie-May had to assume the role of her mother's carer and tried her best to keep her nasty father at bay.

After falling for a handsome young man, Tommy Black, in the first term of her law degree, she soon discovers that he was using her for his own depraved sexual kicks.  He encouraged her to get up to all sorts of sexual acts which led to making her sleep with his friends while he watched!  She discovers she is pregnant, but Tommy wants nothing to do with the child or her and denies that he could even be the father, since she has slept with his friends, albeit with his consent!  Upset and scared, she drops out of university and returns back home, where by a twist of fate, she miscarries the baby, upstairs in the toilet in her parents house.  Shocked by her hysteria and the bloody scene, her parents rush her off to hospital.  In shock and feeling shameful for their own behaviour, they briefly rekindle their love for each other and all seems well with them.  But selfish as always they fail to offer any support for their heartbroken daughter, as they were too wrapped up in their new found romance.

With no place at university and a miscarriage behind her, Ellie-May decides to leave home and head off to London, in a bid to get away from everything and make sense of life.  She ends up in a small establishment called The Bayswater Rooms, where, unbeknown to her, it was in fact a brothel under the guise of a hotel.  Run by a middle aged Greek pimp/drug dealer called Costly and his three sons, Nikias, Paulo and Sethi, and his nasty nephew Helios.  This was how they would lure young girls into their establishment, by posing as a cheap hotel and a safe haven for runaway girls.  After a few weeks at The Bayswater Rooms, with her money running out and her parents not really bothered about her or wanting her back home, she turns to Costly for some fatherly advise and support.  He offers her a free stay and promises that he will help her find work, but then a few weeks later he forces her to work as a prostitute, claiming that she owes him money for her stay and that she has to work it off!  They allocate Helios as her pimp and he initiates her into prostitution  by raping her.

While she was working as a prostitute, she befriends two of the girls who work there, Teri and Donna.  She soon learns that there is no way of escaping this gang of pimps, so she starts to plot to bring down the establishment from the inside.  Helped by Teri and Donna, she works on Helios and makes him fall in love with her.  Once he is truly smitten, she gets Teri and Donna to make trouble by spreading gossip and vicious rumour to Costly and the others.  Once Costly finds out, he is furious and throws his nephew out.  But he returns for Ellie-May and a big argument breaks out, in which she pretends that she does not know what Helios is going on about and hands Sethi Costly's gun, which he kept in his desk.  Sethi, shoots Helios and kills him, they later dispose of the body.  Helios was not legal in the country and with no identity, the police fail to trace the body.

Now Sethi becomes her pimp, but he is gay and has no interest in her in a sexual way.  She works on the fact that Sethi is suppressing his sexuality and is therefore miserable.  She befriends him and encourages him to make a life for himself.  She, Teri and Donna, fix him up with a local boy and soon he runs off to Spain with him.  Costly is furious!  Ellie-May turns her attentions on Costly and starts to flirt with him until his ego is enticed and he falls for her.  After many months of wanting her, he eventually admits his feelings to her, much to Nikias and Paulo's discontent.

Her affair with Costly blossoms to the point where his sons start to turn against him.  She means to get rid of the brothers, so she plots and schemes and her, Teri and Donna start to steal from each of the sons' rooms and getting them to suspect each other.  She also gets a hold of Costly's cheque book and starts to forge cheques made out to the brothers.  When Costly suspects his sons, and the bank informs him that amounts have been made out to his sons, he is furious and holds a gun up to his sons, Paulo pulls out a gun too but drops it and he and his brother leave the establishment.

Later she gets hold of Paulo's gun and with Teri and Donna, they plan to kill the brothers before they come after them.  They wait for them outside the pub, late one night and kill them in a nearby alleyway.  Costly is devastated at the loss of his children and goes to pieces.  But Ellie-May convinces him to let her take over the running of the brothel, helped by Teri and Donna.  Once she is running the brothel she convinces him to marry her and soon the three girls start to plot his death.  They first tried to poison him, but the rat poison was taking too long to work and the others panicked about pathology reports.  So they decided to stage his stabbing, to make it look like a drug deal that's gone wrong.  But when the police probe, Teri and Donna panic and tell all.

Parallel to the main story, her own parents' story is progressing, Malcolm and Gloria have a son, but as usual, Malcolm becomes jealous of the shared attention and reverts back to his selfish behaviour  Gloria goes back to drinking and the poor baby is neglected.  When Malcolm tries to abuse Gloria by flaunting his latest lover in front of her, Ellie-May helps Gloria get rid of him by planting drugs on him when he decides to take his mistress to Malaysia.  Malcolm serves fifteen years in a Malaysian prison and Gloria is able to file for divorce and take all his assets.  But Gloria soon reverts back to her sordid ways and her son is subjected to a string of strange men and witnesses quite a lot before social services take him from her.

This is a story about emotions, about hang-ups and personal failings, it is told in a style reminiscent of some of the old classics, the story is thought-provoking and highly entertaining.

This is a story of how the self can let one down, if the ego is allowed to ride it.  Of how despair can take over the mind and become a web of confusion and red mist!  How quickly one can spiral into the abyss, never again regaining their true essence.  It is a story which explores all aspects of human nature, from the good to the bad, the happy to the miserable state human beings can get themselves into.   This is a story about the forces of the Yin and Yang which reside in every single one of us, the same Yin and Yang which balance the universe, the same Yin and Yang which exist in everything from the inanimate to the living, from the skies to the earth.  It is only humanity that has the ability to pick and choose what they want to put into practice!

THE MISFORTUNES OF ELLIE-MAY, BY SAMMAR ALLY IS AVAILABLE AT AMAZON, AUSTIN & MACAULEY, WHSMITH, WATERSONES, FOYLES AND VARIOUS FOREIGN WEBSITES.  

AUTHOR'S CORNER:

MANY A MICKLE MAKES A MUCKLE!

 

Somewhere within the psyche of a writer, there lingers the overwhelming perception that life is not unfolding in the way they would have envisaged that it would!  There was a time when the word 'Writer' would send shivers of excitement down the spines of many, and make even royalty sit up in amusement!  Gone are the days of Shakespeare, Charles Dickens and Lady Agatha Christie, THEY WERE LUCKY, TELEVISION WAS NOT INVENTED YET!







It seems somewhat pointless to the modern day, disheartened writer, and very time consuming, to say the least!  All the time and effort one has to put in nowadays into endless blogging to God knows who, and twittering away like some demented bird stuck on a frozen tree branch!  The facebooking, and who may I ask are we facebooking?  Worse, what the hell is facebook, and who is interested anyway?  And why the need to appease and prove ourselves to a bunch of strangers?  Surely it isn't even enough, facebooking and twittering and blogging and tumbling your time away, it's not as if people will immediately buy your book, right?  After all, I personally am a 'To be or not to be' kind of writer, I am not the blogging type!  I can't really twitter because I am not a bird, and as for facebooking, I don't really like showing my face to others!

AND EVEN IF I WAS UP FOR IT; WHICH WAY DO I TURN, HOW DO I START AND WHO ON EARTH IS GOING TO NOTICE ME?








I think I'd rather go have a hot bath and an early night!

let's not be disheartened, it may seem like very little for very much time; but a little amount many times over amounts to a large amount in the end!  

Never underestimate the power of the media, the web and most importantly, the power of social interaction!  We live in a 'Big Brother' world.  People like to have a window into your life and like to feel that they can interact with you at the click of a button!  So much is this voyeur attitude that unless you are out there getting your face known, the chances are, no one will bother to venture into the bookshop to buy your book!  IF THEY AIN'T SEEN YOU, THEY WON'T READ YOU!

WHAT DOES ONE DO?  HOW DOES ONE GET THEIR FACE OUT THERE AND TURN INTO CELEBRITY?  AND MOST IMPORTANTLY WILL I EVER MAKE A NAME FOR MYSELF?

WELL, ONE GETS PUBLICITY, THE MORE ONE IS KNOWN THE MORE CELEBRITY LIKE ONE WILL BE.  AND YES, WITH PERSISTENCE YOU WILL MAKE A NAME FOR YOURSELF!

Hence as the saying goes, 'Many a mickle makes a muckle' means that small things add to a big thing!  

TIPS ON OBTAINING THOSE PESKY MICKLES......

1.  Obviously, write and publish your book!

2.  Ascertain who will read your book and target your market.

3.  Duh, um GET FACEBOOK!

4.  Proceed to Twitter, Blogs, Tumblr and Google+ and any other cyber fad you think might help your work!

5.  Create an audience, they won't just come, you have to attract their attention; be nice, be witty be wonderful!

6.   Use word of mouth; you've got friends and family, right?  Get them to tell their friends and relatives about you, and get them to get them to tell their friends and families!

7.   Approach bookshops, try to get a book signing or at least your book on the shelf.  

8.   Advertise about where your book is stocked on the net!

9.   Try to approach local newspapers, see if they can give you a mention.

10.  Advertise where you maybe mentioned in the local paper on the net!

11.  Join forums and discussions and take part, that is another way to get your name out there.

12.  Give the public what they want!  And what they want is to be interested by you, they want to click on their social site and be able to look forward to a post or blog or words or joke from you!

13.  If you are lucky enough to get book reviews, copy and paste to show on your blog, or direct people to them!

14.  Flood the cyber market, be a presence, make videos, blogs, adverts, photos, whatever it takes, just make sure you make a name for yourself! 

15.  You should get yourself so well known, and so looked forward to, that as soon as you advertise an upcoming book your audience would be eager to buy it!  

16.   Always reinvent yourself, in today's fast moving age, staleness is not allowed!

AUTHOR'S CORNER:

CAT'S EYES

What makes a cat a spectacular creature?  Why do people tend to be fascinated with this creature that is all whiskers and fur?  There is something mysterious and alluring about our feline friends which can leave us mesmerised for hours on end.  Why?  Because behind that fury exterior, behind the long overcrowding of whiskers and the strange body movements, if one is to look closely into a cat's eyes, one would get the sense that it looks upon life in a completely different way.  It is almost as if our feline friend sees more than us; it sees the world in fine detail and notices every little quirk and mishap that goes on, it sees every movement and quiver that takes place, and it views everything with open fascination....yep our feline friend is NOT closed minded!  How often have I looked at my cat and wished that for one split second I could see the world as she sees it?  All the time!

I CAN SEE YOU!

WHAT'S THIS GOT TO DO WITH THE AUTHOR'S CORNER?  I HEAR YOU SAY....

STOP!  DON'T PRESS THE ESCAPE BUTTON, I'LL TELL YOU....

What distinguishes a writer from the rest of the population?  Is it their ability to type?  Their ability to spell or string together a few sentences?  Their ability to just tell a story?   NO, it is the ability to look at life situations and translate those on page with finite detail so that the reader's imagination is captured and their passion is ignited and their senses awakened! 

A good writer is feline in their attitude, we move in graceful strokes taking in the rich tapestry of the world.  We observe natural beauty that surround us and take in all its shades, brightness and variation.  We watch behaviour and translate it into complex feelings, life experiences, hangups, desires and shortcomings!  We see and therefore we become!  We listen and we look and we hide behind the shadowy walls of life gathering information about this complex life form called the human race!

THINGS TO PRACTICE FOR FELINE STYLE WRITING!

1.  Be observant, pay attention to detail, how somebody moves, the gestures they make, little ticks they have, how they smile, frown, stare...

2.  Read into things, if someone is stroking their hair frequently, if someone is jerking their heads often, if someone touches their nose before speaking, ask yourself why, analyse and assess and come up with your own conclusions.

3.  Marry what you see to characters, for example shifty characters have a certain hand gesture, intellects move in a certain way, talk in a certain way. 

4.  Marry situations to character, for example, how would you imagine somebody has turned out the way they have, perhaps a bad past, a tormented childhood?  Use your knowledge to link things.

5.  Observe how nature works, observe the seasons, the animals, the elements interacting, human beings, the rules are mostly the same, i.e. good results in good, bad in bad, every action has a reaction.

6.  Incorporate your observations in stories and apply them to the situation; that way you come up with a three dimensional picture.  For example, writing 'Mary was upset so she slapped her friend' does not make for interesting reading, but stages and interactions and emotions leading up to Mary's upset makes for interesting reading.

7.  The devil is in the detail, because anyone can write, but not everyone can capture detail that fires up the imagination.

8.  Learn to assess, deduct and then flavour with your own imagination and come up with in depth human interactions which differentiates the human race from robots.

9.  Let the reader see through your eyes and don't hold back.  As a writer your talent is to be able to see and  write about what others can't.

10. Be colourful, be sure and be bold!

  

11. Be the author!

AUTHOR'S CORNER:

TALENT IS AS TALENT DOES

Okay, so here I am....THE TALENTED!  The writer, the one who can conjure up worlds and stories and fantasy that will transport and illuminate the minds of the masses!  I am the enticer of minds, the provoker of emotions, the mistress of the magical world of the imagination....The word is my sword and I use it well, in it I am skilled and my verses ring in the hearts and souls of men!  My words are the equivalent to what Mozart's music is to the ears!  I delight and thrill, I awaken the senses and ignite love and yearning in the hearts of people....I AM A WRITER!  THE ULTIMATE THINKER!  

Q:  SO HOW COME I AIN'T ABSOLUTELY FAMOUS YET, SURELY BY NOW I SHOULD BE ON PRACTICALLY EVERY SINGLE BOOKSHELF IN THE LAND?

A:  BECAUSE IN THINKING YOU ARE SOOO TALENTED, YOU'VE DONE NOTHING ABOUT IT LOVE!

'But wait,' I hear all you writers say, 'of course I have done something about it; I've written a book, I am writing other books, I have a published book! Surely I've now made it?'

UM...NO!

Because (and I know I'm not supposed to begin a sentence with because, but I am the author) if that is all you have done, then you have not done enough, you haven't even scratched the surface yet!  In (quite rightly so) admiring your own talent and thinking that others will, you have probably forgotten or neglected to self promote and to self advertise!  BIG MISTAKE BABES, BIG MISTAKE!

LET'S EXAMINE THIS......

Unless you have landed a multi-million pound deal; your publisher isn't made of money!  I know that most people are under the illusion that publishers have literally millions to back you with; but the sad truth is...they don't!  In this current climate of blogging, self publishing, Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook and all other social websites that are floating around, where every Tom, Dick and Harry are sticking their work up there, and promoting themselves, where you can command a following of thousands by attracting people to your webpage.  Where bookshops don't readily stock new authors, and the monopoly on the market is centred around celebs who have actually and truly appeared on Big Brother, or some other reality show!  The competition is fierce! 

BASICALLY AS IT STANDS, YOU ARE JUST A TINY DOT ON THE SCALE OF THINGS!

Q;  WHAT CAN I DO NOW?

A:  YOU CAN SHINE AMONGST THE MANY ASPIRING STARS OF THE WEBPAGES!  

Q:  AND EXACTLY HOW DO I DO THAT?

A:  BY SHOWCASING YOURSELF!

Unless you've been told by fortune tellers that you will make it big in the world of writing and that absolutely nothing will stand in your way, and that the word 'Writer' is engraved in the palm of your right hand and the word 'Famous' engraved in the left....and you've sealed the deal by signing a contract with The Devil in your own blood!  Unless you've experienced all this, don't be too sure!

YOU CAN'T MAGIC IT UP!

SO HERE'S SOME OTHER ALTERNATIVES YOU COULD TRY....

1.  Showcase yourself, blog, Twitter, Facebook!  Anything that offers you a platform will serve as advertising.

2.   Don't just blog once and leave it because you haven't had more than one page viewer.  Persist and sooner or later you will get people's attention!

3.   Just as your talents and creativity shines through in your novels, so it should in your blogs.  Don't be sheepish about being clever with your style, after all, you are advertising yourself!

4.   Promote yourself, tell people how great you are, tell them where your book can be found, they really want to know!

5.  Be clever, be witty, be sophisticated, be the writer you dream of becoming!  In other words, be extravagant and in their faces and 'ooh so sure of yourself darling!'

6.   If people like you, they will follow you and they will tell their friends!

7.   If you are talented, then you are a talented being and therefore your creative juices don't just stop with a novel!  Create concepts, create ideas, create an ambiance for your public!

8.  Bombard the web market until your name becomes second nature to the web surfers!  Make friends on Facebooks, Twitter, Google+, Tumblr, have debates with people (not just about your book) make jokes with people, wish them happy birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, or whatever their event may be.  Be sympathetic to their problems and engage in their conversations - people like interaction!  Soon they will switch on just to see what you're up to!  

9.   Never be rude or abusive, never say anything bad about someone, because talented people don't do that!

10.  Just be a devil of a talent!

AUTHOR'S CORNER:

DO WORKSHOPS WORK?

So I finally take the plunge and brave it up and book myself into a writers' workshop!  BIG STEP FOLKS; 

because in a writers' workshop, there are 'real' publishers. and 'real' agents and 'real' editors!  As most writers would tell you (and I'm sure most of you are writers and therefore this is irrelevant) we are extremely shy, wilting, self-conscious people.  The idea of actually coming face to face with a fully fledged publisher or agent is terrifying!  You wonder if you would be taken seriously and worry that you have been perhaps deluding yourself into thinking  your work is actually good, when in fact you can't write at all!

WILL THEY LAUGH AT ME?  

WILL I MAKE A FOOL OF MYSELF? 

 WILL MY QUESTIONS SOUND SILLY OR PERHAPS PRESUMPTUOUS AND WILL THE MIGHTY PUBLISHERS JUDGE ME AND WORSE, REMEMBER WHO I AM?

HOW DOES ONE TALK TO THE MIGHTY PUBLISHER?

ALL these questions and many more have whizzed around in my mind as the workshop date approached, I was tempted to cancel on several occasions; thinking that I would only draw attention to myself and stick out like a sore thumb!  I am after all published, and yes whilst I do have a few questions I'd like to ask and learn about; what am I doing at a workshop?  And will everyone notice how in fact strangely odd I am?

I THINK I OUGHT TO STAY HOME AND HAVE MYSELF A CUP OF COFFEE!

Eventually I braved it and took myself off to Charring Cross where the workshop was being held.  I was pleasantly surprised by how relaxed the workshop was; there was no snooty behaviour and the publishers, editors and agents where some of the nicest people I have met!  

OH HOW WRONG A GIRL CAN BE!

Further more, my fellow writers, were actually human like me!  They were not super intellectual, ultra prim, wisdom drenched beings; instead they were quirky, funny, delightful and came in all different shapes and sizes!  And best of all, they were in fact, strangely a little odd!

I have gained brilliant, valuable pointers from the panel who were running the workshop, all my questions were answered kindly and respectfully and I have to say I feel so much more confident and have more of a direction of where I am going with my writing!

There was a panel consisting of a publisher, an agent, a writer and two editors who sat at the front and talked us through four sections, we had a general writing discussion and were then able to ask questions and discuss certain things that we wanted clarifying.  The second section was looking at submissions in depth, which was of immense help, because as we all know, most writers fail on this point and no matter how good your work is, it is your approach that actually counts.  The third section was about what agents and publishers are looking for, again something that most writers have no clue about.  And finally we looked at how to successfully market your work, from this particular section, I took away the  most, as this area to me was like trying to play tennis in the dark!  After this workshop experience, I am happy to say that I will certainly be attending more workshops, no matter how many books I've got published!

In addition to this, I have made a few friends who are 'Like me' (hey, it can be lonely being a writer) and had lots of fun on the day. 

AT THE VERY LEAST - IT WAS A GOOD DAY OUT!  AT BEST - A VALUABLE WATERING HOLE FOR THE WRITER!

So next time any of you budding writers are wondering whether or not to go out into the wilderness of the writing world....

TAKE A DEEP BREATH, AND BOOK THE EVENT!  YOU MIGHT DISCOVER THAT YOU ARE

NOT ALONE!

AUTHOR'S CORNER: 

TO BLOG OR NOT TO BLOG, THAT IS THE QUESTION!

I remember being very happy and excited about the prospect of getting published; this is it, I thought, the whole world will know Sammar Ally!  I've made it, I secretly chuckled to myself, all my dreams have come true; at last my name shall be up there in lights!  So you can imagine my confusion when my publisher sent me a list of 'To do's' so that I can promote myself and therefore make more of a success of my book!  Amongst the various websites that I was advised to visit and join, such as Facebook and Twitter, I was also advised to create my own blog And fill it with interesting and mind tantalising reads....

HOUSTON, I THINK WE HAVE A PROBLEM!



Now I know I'm supposed to be a writer, I know that words and topics should come easily to my mind; it is after all what I do.  But writing for a fictional audience is a lot less daunting than writing for a virtual audience!
I do not know when or how people are reading my books, but I know that when I post my blogs people will read them (hopefully) and judge me, and even post their opinions!  I am rendering myself vulnerable to the cyber people and their critical eye and over opinionated remarks!  YIKES!!

And what do I write about?  How do I entertain and tantalise the masses and get myself a healthy cyber following?  I mean, nobody wants to read about my day, which I may add is not at all exciting, for all I seem to do is sit at my computer and push the hoover around just before the kids come home from school!  Nobody is bothered much about what I had for breakfast, or indeed the colour of my socks!  They don't care that I have awaken this morning and noticed the beauty of God's creation, or whether the weather has changed my literary mood any!  They don't want to know what my household chores are and they certainly don't want to know what I've had for dinner!

THEY WANT ME TO BE INTERESTING!

And even when I do find witty and interesting topics to write about; I am hard pressed to get more than twenty viewings a day!  ONLY TWENTY?

'Blimey mate, you might as well be reading it out in Hyde Park!'  I hear you say.  'At this rate your audience are going to take forever to build up and even then only about two percent will actually buy your book!'

YOU MIGHT AS WELL CHUCK THE COMPUTER!



NO WAIT, HERE ARE A FEW REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD IN FACT BLOG!

1.  By blogging you are getting yourself known out in cyber world and you name will soon ring familiarity amongst cyber folk!

2.  You are practising your writing skills and that can't be a bad thing!

3.  You are improving your writing skills, practice makes perfect!

4.  You may possibly become somewhat of a celebrity if you persist!

5.  It only takes one person to read your book before they tell another and they tell another, word of mouth people!

6.  If you capture one person's interest, they will always come back.

7.  It is rather fun to be able to write anything you want on your own blog page!

8.  Remember most famous or well known things started off very small with a very small clientèle; Marks & Spencer's was a market stall, Woolworth's started off small, Boots was owned by Jesse Boot, and many, many more.  Growth takes time, nature has taught us that!

9.  When you finally get someone posting a comment on your blog, the feeling of reward will be enormous!

10. Social networking and blogging is like being given a free pass on the Arena stage of the world, use it wisely!

SO DON'T GET FREAKED OUT BY IT ALL!

JUST WRITE YOUR BLOG AND ENJOY YOUR GROWTH!

AUTHOR'S CORNER:

AGENT, AGENT, WHEREFORE ART THOU?

So you've done it, you've written a book!  Congratulations, well done, bravo!  What an achievement!  All those long nights pounding away at the keyboard, all the lonely days, when sometimes you doubted yourself and wondered if you really had it in you!  All those ambitions and that dream finally materialising, at least within your reach!  Great now for the next step!

WAIT, what is that?  Spell check?  Margin setting?  Printing?  Telling your mum?....Don't be daft!

All you need now is to show the world your undiscovered talents, present to a publisher!  Easy right?   No it is not!  Listen up people, reality check, now in order for you to become a 'proper writer' you need to get your work out there so that people can read it.  To do that you need to get your book published by a reputable publisher who will handle your work and distribute it effectively to shops and internet site etc.  Simple enough?  Um NO!  Because (and I know I'm not supposed to start a sentence with because, but hey, I'm the author!) big, reputable publishers do not want (and here it is remember this) 'unsolicited' manuscripts!  

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?  You may ask, as you chew on the end of your pen.

Basically it means that you cannot just simply send your work to the publisher unless it has been vetted and deemed fit to be sent, or unless of course you were lucky enough to meet a publisher at your nan's Christmas party and he asked to see your manuscript!  

Q;  AND WHO VETS YOUR MANUSCRIPT AND DEEMS IT WORTHY FOR THE MAGNIFICENT PUBLISHER?

A;   THE LITERARY AGENT!

Great, you may say, easy enough.  So all you need to do is buy yourself a copy of The Writer's Handbook and you're away, right?  UM NO!  Because (yes, I know, I know, but like I said I'm the author!) there are many many good agents out there who will work very hard to ensure you get the best deal and negotiate all contracts on your behalf....only because they are so precious, and so hard working, and very much worth their weight in gold, they are also extremely choosy people!  

Agents want to know that you are worth something also, they want to be able to sell you.  Don't forget that to them, you are a product to sell to the publisher!  I once got a personal email from an agent praising my first three chapters and asking to see the rest referring to my writing as 'Compelling Read' and asking me to send a C.V.  I had no glorious C.V. as such; I did not have a glowing career in television, I have not been involved in a horrific accident, I was not a journalist or even ever appeared on Big Brother!  So I bravely sent the rest of my 'Compelling' manuscript with a sheepish letter explaining all the above.  Needless to say I received a prompt reply that my work was not suitable.  In other words I was not easy to sell!

  

Q;   IS THERE HOPE OF EVER FINDING AN AGENT?

A:   OF COURSE THERE IS.

Q:   AND THE APPROACH?

Okay listen up oh ye young writer......

1.  Buy yourself a copy of the Writer's Handbook, yes I know what I said, but you will still need it!

2.  Do your research, there is no point in sending your work to an agent who deals with romance fiction if yours happens to be a thriller.

3.  It is all about the approach; the more professional and to the point you are, the better you will get their attention.

4.  Be gracious and mannerly...duh do I need to tell you this?

5.  Present your sample chapters as neatly as possible, and listen to their requirements; if they ask for three sample chapters, don't send the whole manuscript, it shows lack of respect and you come across as being pushy.

6.  Send to more than one Agent at a time; if it takes an average of three months for them to get back to you, it does not make sense to send one sample at a time, but be sure to let them know that you are sending to many agents.

7.  Don't just limit yourself to one area, anywhere in the country will do just as well, widen your horizons!

8.  Also send to publishers who are willing to see unsolicited manuscript, you never know, if you are very good you may get a publishing deal!  Even if ultimately you desire an agent, you are more likely to get interest if you have a bit of success behind you!

9.  Never argue or get cross with an agent who refuses your work, even if they have shown interest initially then changed their minds; it is a small profession and you never know who knows who and when next you may need them!

10.  Do not give up, keep trying, keep focused!  Nothing ever happens overnight!

AUTHOR'S CORNER

HOW TO UNBLOCK THAT PESKY WRITER'S BLOCK!

THAT GOES ON AND ON FOR DAYS ........

There you are; sat at your desk looking quite serious and mysteriously knowledgeable!  The allure of your creativity is so mesmerising and you know your man is secretly giving you the eye, (you have seen him looking, from the corner of your eye) oh yes, you're looking good!  The whole story is starting to unfold; your characters have finally come to life.  They are quirky, they are mischievous, they are kind, honest, mean, stupid, clever, they take, they give, they love, they hate, they are people, real people upon the pages of your world....you have a whole universe playing out in your mind's eye and you are on FIRE!

Your partner has just expressed his admiration; he has bought you flowers and he obviously wants what he cannot have!  You have suddenly become oooh sooo lovely since you have become ooh sooo busy!  He has taken to making you dinner and is doing all he can to support you!  In your new glorious role as confident writer, you naturally start boasting to friends and family, 'Oh,' you chirp, 'my writing is coming along marvellously, my character are just jumping out of the page at me!'  or 'Oh no darling,' you protest, 'I simply can't visit for coffee mornings, I am a serious writer and I am right in the midst of a gripping novel that I am writing!'  Yes, you do, you get confident and start to turn your nose up in the air!  

HANG ON LOVE....YOU'RE NO SHAKESPEARE!

Because (and I know I'm not supposed to start a sentence with because, but hey, I'm the author!) suddenly and with no prior warning...you are struck down with the dreaded WRITER'S BLOCK!  For anyone who claims they have never had it (yeah right, that's like saying you've never farted) then let me explain:

It is like a brick wall of blankness, it is as if your wrists have been cuffed and movement is limited.  It is as though aliens have come in the night and emptied all your thoughts!  It is as though your characters have decided not to play ball!  look in you head.....there is nothing! 

Q;  IS THERE HOPE, OR ARE YOU STUFFED AND RENDERED USELESS FOR THE NEXT SIX MONTHS?  WILL YOUR PARTNER STOP COOKING DINNER?

A;  THERE IS HOPE, HERE ARE SOME THINGS YOU COULD DO TO HELP MATTERS ALONG.:

1.  If your characters play elusive with you and you don't know how to write about them any more, then take time out to get to know them again, read all the previous chapters!

2.   Don't force it, you'll only produce rubbish!

3.   If you really can't write, go for a walk, take some exercise, eat well, or just take a lazy day!

4.   If however you don't write at all, you'll quickly dry up, so after you have taken a break for a couple of days, go back and try again.  It may be rubbish again, never mind, repeat step 2 and 3 and then try again!

5.  Get inspiration, read a good book, watch a relevant film, i.e. if you are a romance writer, watch a romantic film.

6.   Apologise to friends, they might be able to give you ideas.

7.   Finally, whilst you are blocked and useless at writing....Cook YOUR partner dinner!   

GOOD LUCK PEOPLE, GOOD LUCK!

AUTHOR'S CORNER:

WORKING 9 TO 5

It's not always easy finding motivation when you're the only one who knows about your writing!  Unlike working for a company, or in public sector, there is no one there to see what it is that you actually do.  There is no 'set' office time in which to clock in and out of and let's face it, t.v. is ever looming and rubbish day time viewing is oooh sooo tempting!  More so, if you happen to be writing from home, which by the way most, if not all writers do, then you will no doubt find a million other things in the house that may need your attention!  from washing up to dusting those pesky cobwebs down off the corners of your ceiling, to cutting the grass and finally getting round to ironing that pile of laundry that has been sitting in the spare room for the last few weeks!  

Not to mention the endless phone calls from stupid PPI claim companies, insisting that their records show that you could be owed thousands of pounds!  And lets not forget MOTHER, who absolutely loves to chat to you for a good hour about YOUR dad, each and every single morning so that by the time she is done your brain resembles a spaghetti dish!  And during the holidays, when the kids grace you with their charm and delectable selves insisting, no, demanding that you pay them attention and feed them every thirty minutes! And then The Devil himself will come to you in the guise of  'coffee mornings' and convinces you that it is a must on the social front. 

With all those obstacles it's a miracle you've actually even started writing!  You Are A Hero!

So how do you push on and get going and actually produce something which resembles a novel?  Unless you have a day job, (in which case you are either superhuman or completely delusional in thinking that you can work and write all at the same time) listen carefully....

1.  In order to succeed you must want to succeed.

2.  If you want to succeed you must be serious about what you do.

3.  Anything one is serious about becomes a job....i.e. I am serious about motherhood, therefore motherhood is my job!  Make writing your job!

4.  Any job must be structured otherwise it will always be no more than a hobby or something you occasionally dabble in.

5.  Find a suitable, regular place for your work, don't just work on the kitchen table or in the living room with your laptop on your knee, your mind will never be in work mode.  Make space, (even if it is only a corner desk in a room) and make that the place of  work and nowhere else, that way your mind will always be in work mode when you are there.

6.  Take yourself seriously and respect your decision, if you have decided to write at a certain time, then unless it is an emergency, don't let anything disturb or take you away from that.

7.  Designate a time, just as any place of work would, for your job.  There is no company that allows employees to work when they feel, no work would get done!  There is no office which has no starting hours and finishing hours, if there were it would be disaster for the workplace!  Everything that succeeds has structure around it!  structure your work time...because remember once you have decided that this is what you want to do, it is WORK.

8.  I always 'GET' to work at 9.30 every morning (with the exception of the very occasional coffee morning) and I work all the way to about 2pm before taking a break and also doing the washing, or starting on dinner.  I return back to work at about 3pm and work through till 6pm, of course being a mum I do stop for ten minutes here and there when my kids come home from school to give them the odd kiss and ask about their day!  After 6pm I turn off the computer, close the office door and go and join my family and spend the evening with them!  

9.  Finally, unless working on deadline, always leave weekends for your family....because you don't work on weekends, you work 9 to 5!

10. Oh and don't forget to give yourself holidays!

AUTHOR'S CORNER:

WRITER... ARTIST OR INTELLECT?

I am an enigma, I am a star in the making, a legend, a mark on the world! I am an artist, or as I like to say, an Arteeest!  With my creative talents, my power over the blank page, my ability to create worlds within worlds of sheer imagination beyond anyone's wildest dreams!  I am the light house which stands amidst the blackness of the night; I am the torch that shines the way through the dark imagination.  I am colour and definition and all that which is light and all that which is dark, my art is representation of all that is beautiful and all that is ugly... Van Gogh eat your heart out!!

But wait!  I am intelligence, insight, sophistication...I am what sees and speaks that which is unspoken; I make human nature apparent and highlight all weaknesses and quirks to the point of naked exposure!  I am philosopher, debater, analyser of the human condition!  I am influencer of generations and inspiration to those who read my words.  I am old and wise, I am young and carefree, I am both harsh and gentle and I always say it as I see it!    

WHAT AM I?  A WRITER!

Which brings us to a very good question....writers, are they artists or intellects?  Well we certainly have the temperament of an artist, we fly off the handle at the slightest things and have been known to sulk for days and even go into deep depression!  We see the world through unusual eyes; bohemian behaviour is not so strange and what is deemed as corrupt by society does not always hold the same definition for us!  We like a crowd and we love parties and generally speaking not much shocks us!  Our friends can be any shape or size, creed, colour or sexual orientation; we believe profoundly in the 'live and let live' concept and hold it dear to our hearts!  To our minds, nothing is that unusual as to have us run for the hills, no thought is so outrageous that it puts the fear of God in us and no human behaviour is ever that bazaar.  In fact we love variation in our lives and in our friends; keeping company with predictable folk can be so boring at times!  And we love beauty and are touched by sights and sounds and all inspire us and ignite the creative flame in us.  beauty is in everything we see!

On the other hand, we are thinkers; we think about everything and analyse everyone and understand and know very well our opponents.  if you are in our circle of friends, know this for sure, there is nothing we do not know about you; we have studied you very carefully, gleamed information about you from things you have said, we have ascertained what makes you tick and studied your gestures and hand movements to perfection.  We know what kind of personality you have and more so, what kind of personality disorder you suffer from!  We have, through intense study of you, have come up with several theories about your troubled childhood!  

As friends; you find us very interesting, intelligent and sophisticated.  To you, we have such insight on the world, we have it figured out.  You come to us for advice and rely heavily on our level headed opinions to guide your life!  We are so well spoken and so well presented and words just drip off our tongues like honey from a beehive!  Yet you know (because you have experienced it on the rare occasion) that we can be so fickle and so bohemian in our ways that it is scary!  Confused?  I know I am!

So what are we?  Artist or intellect?  The answer is neither!  We are a hybrid of the two; a species which has evolved through a quirk or a fault in a gene pool just as man was emerging out of the stone age!  Most writers, if questioned, will tell you that they themselves are confused; the truth is, we still have not figured it out!  Part of us feels very artistic and we have the same passions and intensity as any painter, musician, actor etc.  Yet the other part is very much a philosopher, a thinker and quite often a therapist to our nearest and dearest! 

Of course, there is always the possibility that we are just very creative politicians, highlighting the wrongs of society through the guise of a novel or two....