AUTHOR'S CORNER:

DARK NIGHT & THE SEVEN DRAFTS

So the novel is finished and I find myself with an exhilarating sense of achievement and excitement which is beyond my rational control!  Wow, I have finally done it, I have finished my novel and all that is left is for me to print it and send a copy of the manuscript to an unsuspecting publisher!  So I print....

But wait, as the pages are sliding out of my Epson printer I catch a glimpse of line three of chapter one and I can spot a typo!  Oh no.  Stop.  I cancel the print command and go back to my computer, correct my typo and foolishly proceed....Chapter six, paragraph three, line fifty, another typo, and a rather badly constructed sentence at that!  Once again I stop the print command and go back to my computer!  Seven chapters, fifty typos and thirty sentence rewrites later I am overwhelmed with a sense of worry and a feeling of utter failure; my novel has more mistakes than a teenage rave fuelled with narcotics on a hot summer's night!  Not to mention the fact that I have wasted about a hundred sheets of paper and my printer is thoroughly confused and is blinking its little blue light at me!  My ink is running low and I fear that I will have to nip down to an all night supermarket in search and desperate hope of printer ink that will suit my printer!  

I run to my computer in a half-hearted attempt to conjure up some magic and I chant "Computer, computer in my hand, who is the best writer in the land?"  But my computer does not like my tone of voice and simply beeps at me before the screen goes black....oh no, I forgot to plug the damn thing and now the battery has gone dead!  I may have just lost my work!!

I am suddenly aware of how dark and how late into the night it is, and worse how lonely and desperate I am!   This is as serious as it gets for any writer!  Because (and I know I'm not supposed to start my sentences with because, but hey, I'm panicking) I have been foolish enough not to edit my work after each and every single chapter!  I thought what I was writing was brilliant and I was lost by my own thought process that I did not stop to think if what I was writing was polished enough, good enough or even grammatically worthy for the eyes of the mighty publisher!  My life was fast dimming and I was quickly fading out of existence!  Now, not only did I have to rush out to the shops for more ink and paper, not only did I have to plug in the computer and pray that my entire novel was not deleted, but I have the tiresome task of going through three hundred and forty pages with a fine comb and checking for mistakes and style!  

I think I am going to scream, excuse me .....aaaaaaaarrrrghhhh!      AAAAAARRRRRHHHHHH!!!!

So after a brief nervous breakdown and several cups of tea to restore my composure, what have we learned from this ugly night?  Yes, that's right....Never attempt a print out unless ....

1.   You have of course plugged in your computer.

2.   Have plenty of ink and paper.

3.   Checked and edited your work after writing each chapter....YES, you heard me, after every single chapter!

4.   Read out your work to yourself or any other poor sod who is willing to listen and make sure it sounds good and that it makes sense.

5.   In addition, you must have checked again and read over once more, every three last chapters you have written, just to make sure it all flows into each other properly!

6.   Always keep a notebook with all characters names, places and details, or you might find that where your character started off as John smith, he may end up as John brown by chapter twenty....it takes about a year, if not more to write a whole novel, you are bound to forget if you try and commit all to memory.

7.   Once work is finished and yes, even if you have done the above and checked after every single chapter and then checked after every three chapters to make sure it flows and read it out loud until the neighbours could recite it off by heart....LISTEN NOW BECAUSE THIS IS IMPORTANT....Check and Edit it one more time!  

8.   Now bring up the print command, smile confidently to yourself and let your finger press down on the key and PRINT!  

9.   Skim your eyes over the pages that are sliding out of the printer and check that there is not one pesky mistake that has slipped your attention.

!0.   Now place in an envelope addressed to a poor, busy, overworked, unsuspecting publisher and send!