AUTHOR'S CORNER;

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS!

Oh my, it's 2014 and I can't help but wonder what on earth happened to 2013?  Come to think of it, what on earth happened to the last century?  I remember it well and then...well then it just flashed past, in a whirlwind of marriage, children and ups and downs and some iffy scenarios which I care not to mention.  

I have spent most of my youthful adulthood in a haze of nappies, cooking, taking and fetching from schools and visits to the doctors, failed part-time jobs and not to mention minor family crisis which quite frankly has left me winded. And amidst all of this I have kept steadfast in my attempts to become a writer.  I have written so many novels. (still in my desk drawer) and have had so many rejection letters (all filed in a folder in my desk drawer) and persevered until I finally got published!  I have suffered to get to where I am, what's new?  All writers suffer this!  And now that I am finally published and my kids are finally old enough and some of them even grown up, I find myself somewhat petered as I gaze at my own reflection in the mirror and wonder where Sam has gone!  Quite frankly, I am dissatisfied.  Why? Because my reality has not quite matched my teenage dreams.  

I feel a little ungrateful as I write this, because if I'm honest, my life has not been bad and I am not a failure; I have two novels in publication and many waiting to go and am currently writing another.  So what then?  I have nothing to really complain about, except if I had my way I would be much more successful than what I am now.  Why?  Not for money or fame, but for self esteem and a desire to know that on my deathbed I can look back with a massive grin on my face.  But then I am reminded by friends and family that I have done quite well, I brought up a family, looked after my husband who had a very busy and dynamic career and still managed to see my dream through, I am published and can call myself a writer. The final wake up call was when my daughter found herself in hospital, just before Christmas, with a serious illness.  This made me realise just how silly I had been moaning about my life, when my life was perfect anyway.  It really takes a crisis to make you see what it is you could actually lose.

So 2014, shall hopefully be the year where I get my act together, and I don't mean writing or earning, I mean taking a long hard look at myself and correcting my warped mind!  I have a lot to be grateful for (we all do) and I have done a lot in my life, albeit mothering and caring, and I ought to stop this negative image which I have built about myself.  In short, I have expected too much from myself and not congratulated myself enough on what I already have.  A pattern that most of us fall into nowadays.

It is an epidemic of modern day living; we are all fed too much shiny images off the media that we always feel that whatever we've got is not enough, whatever we've done is not done good enough and that we should all be aspiring to be super famous and filthy rich!  When all we need is health, family and love! 

I berated myself too many times, looked down on myself far too often and criticized myself always in a modern day fashion of self loathing style.  But in reality, I have a lot to be thankful for; four kids, two at university, one in Fashion Retail Academy and a feisty twelve year old who is going on eighteen!  A husband and two living parents and a sister and a cute nephew.  Two books in publication and hopefully many more to come and not to mention people...I have only got one grey hair, which is dutifully dyed every six weeks!  I can't really complain!  And as I am sure, if most of us looked deeper into our lives, would say the same!  

So this year, I am going to stop loathing Sam and start loving her; she deserves my love because she has done me proud. This year I am going to stop telling Sam she has not done enough and thank her for being a good mother, a good daughter, a kind wife and a not so bad writer, who is actually published!  This year, Sam is coming out of jeans and into less dowdy clothes, and never again frighten the milkman by opening the door with no make-up on.  This year Sam will smile and fret less over her writing because she is a writer and no one can take that away from her!  

This year, I, Sam, will smile and count my blessings and be thankful for being me, instead of wishing I was someone else.  Because when all is said and done, I quite like being me!

This year I shall be proud of what I have done and in being proud I will do more, because I will see that I am more!

Happy New Year!