AUTHOR'S CORNER;

REFLECTING ANNIVERSARY

There are many things a person can be in a lifetime; one can hold many positions, know many people, help others, care for children and shape the world in our own tiny, yet significant way.  The world is but an oyster waiting to be cracked open and for you to reach in and claim that pearl! Education is available for girls, whereas only as recently as my grandmother's generation women were expected to leave school at a young age (if they were lucky enough to get an education) and settle into domestic bliss (domestic bliss for the man, of course) where their lives would be sealed and done and the road ahead was mainly hard and tiresome! Women have far more opportunities than they had ever had before and quite frankly, there is nothing that should compel them to tie the knot!  Yet in spite of this, marriage still plays a significant part in our lives.  Why?  Because marriage is the ultimate declaration of love....right?  Huh?

Today is my wedding anniversary.  If truth be told, I am happily married and quite content with life.  If truth be told, I like being married and having children to fill my house and keep me irritatingly busy and unable to pursue my own personal dreams and ambitions.  I love my husband and God only knows, he has suffered terribly in this marriage (as men often do) and has put up with my tantrums and insecurities, as I have put up with his!  Are we proud to have made it this far?  Of course we are; jobs, kids and moving houses, pitfalls and scary times, arguments and celebrations, what's not to be proud of?  We have survived.  Was it a walk in the park?  You must be kidding!  Were there times we could have quite easily have killed one another, walked away and called it a day?  Yes there were!  Is he an angel?  Um, No!  Am I an angel?  Who me?  Well then what??

Truth is, marriage hurts, it stings and it smarts and it comes with tedious days and mundane nights were exhaustion, work and kids seem to have taken over your lives and consumed your every thought!  Not to mention of course, each of us has idiosyncrasies in our flawed characters and there is the small matter of interfering in-laws!  Amidst all of this one can feel quite lost and lonely in a marriage, one can lose one's self in a whirlpool of bills, cooked meals, hoovering, mothers in-law and crying babies! Soon you stop seeing each other as human beings and you nickname each other 'Mummy' and 'Daddy', it's easier that way, because that's what the children call you!  Your relationship may seem to consist of debates and frustration 

as opposed to romance, and soon you can feel a little invisible.  Because (and yes I can start the sentence with because; I am the author) in truth, life as a concept can be rather heavy on a marriage!  These are not the fairy tales of happily ever after.  In those fairy tales marriage happens and troubles stop.  In the real world, that's when trouble begins!  

In marriage, you not only have yourself to consider, you have your partner, their family, your family, the children and of course everything else that this will entail. You go from being this happy, disco goer, ambitious free spirited, young person to someone who has the weight of the world upon their shoulders.  And in reality you do; ageing parents, young kids, work and all those bills to pay, it's a wonder you have any time for yourselves.

Romance will...yes it will go out the window,because romance is not a creature which can endure stress; it is a creature which needs mellow vibes and dim lights, a creature which does not like being rushed or having to wait until that bloody toddler has finally gone to sleep!!

And you may be able to steal a moment or two, or even the odd weekend where the grandparents have agreed to look after the kids and have promised not to disturb you.  But these are only snatched moments and you can't delude yourself that just because it has happened once, it will happen again!

Okay, so I've painted a bad picture?  Remember I said I am happily married, and I am.  You see a happy marriage is not a marriage that is filled with 24/7 happiness, (that would be a marriage in a mental asylum, assisted by strong drugs) but instead a happy marriage is a marriage which is filled with understanding, compassion and respect.  It is a journey that is sometimes rough and sometimes sad, but it is a journey that if well travelled with careful and conscious steps, can be very rewarding indeed.  Marriage is a life investment, and any investment must be invested in; you can't expect to have lots of money in the bank if all you do is spend it.  Same with emotions and understanding; you have to learn the hardest lessons in life when you marry, respect, trust and longevity. You have to learn to appreciate, understand and love the person you are with, simply because they are the person you are with!  

And the only way you can learn those lessons, is to work together as a team. And like any team, you may sometimes dislike your team member, or get angry with them, you may even get fed up with them.  But remember, you can't like and want someone all the time, it wouldn't be natural.

But if all the ingredients are there, and you can still remember the reasons why you got married, then it will be worth the sleepless nights, the worries over the bills, the jabs from the in-laws and the disputes over the remote control. Because happiness of any kind can only emerge from hard work and perseverance!

 And most importantly, marriage is having something to berate your partner about in old age!