AUTHOR'S CORNER;

HOW TO FOOL THE WORLD!

So, you've written the novel?  Well done you!  Now that you have written it, found a publisher who is willing to publish, and have it printed in book form, the rest should be easy, right?  No?  Not famous yet?  

In the scheme of things, the finding of a publisher and actually publishing the book should have been the hardest part, surely everything else should flow from this point onwards; after all, you, the author, have found a publisher who actually thinks you are worthy of publication, and if the publisher thinks so, then surely the entire world will follow suit?  

Unfortunately, (and I say this with a heavy heart and a slightly deflated will to live) the rest of the world needs to be convinced! It is not enough testament to have your book in print.  It is not enough of a credential to have a glossy cover or even a glowing review!  No, no dear reader.  Because nowadays the world has moved on, and people, even the ordinary non-celebrity type of people, have an opinion!  It is simply not enough for a book to be on a shelf in order to be deemed good.  It is not enough that you have earned the title of author....because author nowadays could mean anything!  

No, Nowadays, in a world full of glitter and sparkly internet tweets, one needs to convince the world that one is really, really, really good, important and very famous!  It is a celebrity world, not an intellectual one, it is a celebrity world, not necessarily a talented one! As long as you can shine and shimmer like a star, as long as you sparkle in your wake, then the masses shall deem you fit!  Tell them your merits lie in your literary abilities, even though you are as dull as a dishcloth, well then you are DOOMED!!

So how then do you get to this stardom kingdom that only the worthy seem to inhabit?  How does a cardigan wearing, coffee addict, sandwich eating, messy haired author elevate to the heights of stardom?  BY BLUFFING!!

HERE ARE SOME HELPFUL TIPS!

Forewarned is forearmed!  In order to know what makes people tick (respond to celebrity) you have to do your research, look up other famous authors, read their blogs, see what how they do it.  read reviews, understand how bookshops work, and LEARN how to talk nicely to store managers!!

MAKE SOME NOISE!

The best way to get anyone's attention is to relentlessly make a lot of noise!  Tell anyone and everyone about your new book!

USE THE BIGGEST TOOL INVENTED BY SATAN HIMSELF!!

Yep, you've guessed it, the web!  If anything can reach the masses within seconds, it's this little baby!  The brain of the future, the third eye....the...the...ooooh, it's scarier than a horror film!!  

ANNOUNCE YOURSELF LIKE ROCK HUDSON!

Who better than you is going to say lovely things about you?  If you say it loud enough and often enough, people will soon start to think you are important!

KEEP TALKING TO THE WORLD, THEY WANT TO HEAR!

Interaction is the best way to attraction! there are millions of people out on the net who lead ordinary lives who would love to interact with people such as writers, artists etc!  the more you interact, the more you engage, the more likely you become a real person in their minds, and the more likely they will tell their friends about you!  

WORD OF MOUTH!

Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet on ....twitter!

GET YOURSELF OUT THERE!

Like any celebrity, you have to be visual!  Get as many pictures of you out on the net (polite ones please, remember you are an author) and get your face known, put a name to your face! So when people hear your name, or see your book on a shelf, your image will come to mind

WORK IT!

Be fun! Be funny! Be memorable!

BE SOPHISTICATED!

Yes, sophisticated, people always remember sophistication,

So though you might talk 'Like tha' ain't it?' don't ever do that in public!  Remember to put on your posh accent!

DO BE ECCENTRIC, PEOPLE LOVE ECCENTRIC!

Yes dears, people simply love eccentric, insane writers!  It's what writers should be!

BE FLAMBOYANT DARLINGS, THEY'LL BELIEVE YOU MORE IF YOU ARE!

When I was a kid my image of a writer was a sophisticated, eccentric, catty, elusive, crazy creature who was the life and soul of every party!  Even though I am now a writer myself, and I am in no way all of the above, in my mind's eye, that image of a typical writer has not changed! 

AND FINALLY, CONFIDENCE IN BELIEF BREEDS BELIEVABLE!

If you believe in yourself, and trust in your heart that you are a fully fledged writer!  If every inch of you is convinced about your own worth and achievements....then others will believe it, because you will be believable!!