AUTHOR'S CORNER;

COFFEE MORNING WITH THE (BITCHES) GIRLS!

Due to our busy lifestyles and change in demographics; my girlfriends and I have decided to move our so very cherished coffee mornings to Sundays, as this is when we could all guarantee that we would be free.  We, the group who had come together way back in the day when we were stood outside the school gates in our stained T-shirts and tracksuit bottoms, ushering our little tots into school and waving them a welcomed goodbye!  Lost and bored were we, with lost identities and a heap load of washing waiting for us when we got home.  With no purpose in life other than to serve the needs of our husbands and children and of course to watch morning television! Our salvation we found in coffee mornings, where we were free to be grown-up, to discuss issues other than nappies and the rising cost of milk.  Where we (if only for a brief while) put our best heels and frocks on and make-up on our faces and resembled women!  And those niggling questions or irritations in the back of our minds about self worth and whether or not we were still attractive, were discussed, analysed and answered by the sisters and put to bed; helping us grow in confidence.  

Fast forward a few lot of years and see how we have grown; each has found her niche and has proudly and successfully achieved what our mothers in-law had told us we would never achieve!  each going off and reassessing, evaluating and retraining to reach her gaol. Some chose profession, others chose domesticity, but whatever we chose, we chose out of solid conviction and not because it was thrust upon us, we chose our lives because we were strong enough to, because we helped each other grow and realise our potential.  We may have been wives and mothers, but we were also people, and that was what we held onto! 

WONDERFUL, RIGHT?  UMM, LOOK YEAH, PUT A BUNCH OF WOMEN TOGETHER AND WHAT DO THEY DO?  THEY START COMPETING!  LET ME SHARE.....

There we were on a sunny Sunday morning, sat in the teacher's house, she had retrained as soon as her youngest had hit primary school and was now teaching full-time at the local secondary. There was also the fashion editor who had taken a three year degree in journalism and managed to land herself a job in a well known women's magazine (who I will not mention, in case of any legal action) and was now sporting the latest fashions and the trendiest hairstyles! There was the gym instructor,

she was always the sporty one amongst us and after losing a good four stones in her local gym, had taken up the study of sports science and landed herself a job as an aerobic teacher at a well known gym (whose name I shall decline to mention, in case of legal action) and left her husband for the local football couch!  There was the housewife; she was a housewife out of choice and not out of necessity, as she had so fiercely pointed out on more than one occasion, and did we know that her life's work was of the utmost importance?  

How else was she give her family and husband the support they so needed?

She had come to that decision (she says) all on her own!  Then of course we had the nurse, whom after many years of procrastinating with a chemistry degree to her name, had decided to retrain and put her intellect to good use! And last, but of course, by no means least, there is me the writer!  Mine is the life choice most mocked, most dismissed and considered least worthy by the group.  After all what is writing if but a whimsical indulgence for the bored and the lazy?  Though it is quite difficult to actually write a whole novel....ah well! 

We assembled graciously in the teacher's living room, coffee was brewed and cakes were put out on display. Women sat on settees and armchairs cross legged and puffed breasted in a display of splendid hostility!  It had been a while since our last coffee morning and it was obvious we had a lot to tell.  I being the most isolated in profession (I work alone, in a room, all alone) was grateful to be in their company; having just had a book out in May, I was obviously eager to tell all about my new creation and to hear all about their work and lives. I had yearned for my friends' kind words of encouragement and support and that sisterly recognition that had sustained me through the years.  However, I was not banking on the full blown scrutiny that was about to ensue.

Teacher kicked off the conversation, she smiled at me as she handed me a cream cake and asked between gritted teeth, 'So Sam, how is your writing?  I take it you have been writing, or have we been taken up with cups of coffee and the Jeremy Kyle show?'  I tried to answer but she raised her hand to hush me and said, 'Of course one would imagine it hard to get motivation when you are just sat there all day, and what on earth can one write about anyway?  Still it keeps you busy I suppose.'  My mouth clamped shut, as I mumbled that I had just published a new book only in May, to which she replied, 'Yes, I heard about that, well done, did you get it proof read?'  Cheeky mare!!  At which point Sporty miss jiggle your bum aerobics teacher decided to join in, 'I hope you've been watching your figure,' she said

as she looked me up and down, 'writing all day can make you fat you know.' Teacher giggled and covered her mouth in mischief as she poured me a fresh cup of coffee.  'We were beginning to think you'd dropped off the face of the earth, said nurse, wanting to get in on the fun.

She smiled at me as though I was a patient and leaned forward reassuringly, 'We hadn't seen you for such a long time, all the while you say you're busy with THAT book of yours,' said nurse as she gave me dagger looks.  Teacher let out a laugh.  'Yes,' said housewife, as she sat up in her seat and crossed her legs 'got too big for your friends have you Sam?' she chimed as she looked to nurse and teacher for moral support.

Nurse and Teacher laughed and sporty smirked and snorted loudly. Call me paranoid, but I was beginning to sense hostility. I looked to the fashion editor for support and she smiled warmly at me and turned to the others and said 'Oh come on, ladies, Sam has done very well for herself, she's written books, and she gets published, how proud are we of her?' she asked.  I felt a fuzzy kind of love towards my friend and was about to thank her, but then she said, 'I know that Sam doesn't have to work hard, or get up early in the mornings,'

'Or face a classroom of noisy kids!' said teacher.  'She doesn't have to mark homework either!

'Or attend to the sick and maimed!' said nurse.  As she reached for her cigarettes.

'Or deal with overweight, unhealthy sorts!' agreed aerobics instructor as she bit into a fairy cake.

'Or run around after kids and husband!  Cooking and cleaning and shopping for groceries!' said housewife.  'It takes real dedication to do what I do,' moaned housewife almost in tears.  'I have sacrificed my life for those children!'

'And God knows how hard I studied,' said teacher as she handed me yet another cup of coffee.  'I worked so hard to get to where I am!'  She gave me a look of utter defiance.

'I slog all day, cleaning up after the sick!' said nurse. 'My job is both hard and very, very  professional!' 

'And so important darling,' chimed aerobics

As she patted nurse on the leg.

I smiled acidly at my coffee morning ladies, it was obvious that jealousy had gotten the better of them and they wanted their pound of flesh.  'So Sam,' said fashion editor, 'have you been writing anything new, or have you dried up?'  I smiled graciously at my friend before looking from one friend to the other and lingering with my gaze.  'I was suffering from writer's block,' I said, 'but I think I may just have an idea for a new novel; it's about a bunch of bored women who become overwhelmed with jealousy and spite, forgetting that not long ago they were but mere housewives and bored out of their brains and it was friendship and loyalty that got them through it.  I think I'll call it Coffee Morning!'

There was a deafening silence in the room, and somewhere in the distance I could hear the faint meowing of the neighbours cat.  And then as if a tsunami had risen from the deathly ocean, they all chimed in synchronised chorus 'Sounds great Sam, we're so proud of you!' 

Ah the power of the pen!!