AUTHOR'S CORNER;

OUT WITH THE STARS

It struck me as rather curious and a bit unsettling, that once again I have found myself three months away from the end of the year and yet it seemed only last month I was counting down the minutes to the New Year. While I can confer that a lot of good things have happened this year, mainly the publication of my newest novel The Devil's Truth, the passing of my children's exams and of course, learning of the dreaded 'Selfie' pictures (which I will not be partaking in again, ever!) and not to mention that fabulous diet/healthy way of life which I have successfully taken part in and maintained and am proud to say I have lost one and a half stone, thank you very much! September always comes round with the same intrusion as an unwelcome relative; all blustery and hurried and a bit grey in mood!  

So in attempt to cheer myself up and to recapture a little of my youthful spirit (or so I keep reassuring myself) I organised a night out with the girls.  Though if truth be told, they are more like heavy handed, round waisted, big busted bunch of soggy, soppy, extraordinary competitive and slightly jealous if not vain, suspicious women with a tendency to moan and criticise at the drop of a hat (sorry ladies) and their idea of fun is swapping stories about how well their children are doing!  So I organised a night out, and I pulled out all the stops and even bought myself a new frock, convincing myself (foolishly) that this time it would be great, fun and carefree!

I booked the restaurant, informed the girls (witches) and braced myself.....Let me share....

FOR THE PURPOSE OF AVOIDING LEGAL ACTION, I SHALL CALL MY SUBJECTS BY LETTERS OF THE ALPHABET!

I sat pretty and composed in the posh Indian restaurant, (Indian being our choice of food for that evening, due to an overwhelming vote) and waited patiently for my girls to come.  I felt fresh, beautiful and for once, unburdened by mundane demands of domesticity.  The ambiance was alluring, the lighting dim and the twanging of sitar lingered seductively in the background.  I was feeling great, and knew I looked great (due to a few cheeky smiles from the young waiter stood by the door) as the smell of authentic food mixed with the smell of my expensive Dior perfume and reminded me of my youth.  I smiled foolishly at the young stud and blushed slightly at my own foolishness!  He winked cheekily at me before opening the door and in walked a pair of long slender legs.

It was 'A' my beautiful Turkish friend; she being the youngest and indeed the most elegant out of the group, her hair and her long eyelashes are indeed natural and much to everyone's dismay, she did not even need night cream to maintain her youthful looks.  I smiled sweetly as a lump formed in my throat and I could see the young waiter's attention shift from me to her.  She grinned warmly at the waiter as she walked past, lingering for a brief second beside him (long enough for him to smell her perfume and feel the warmth of her presence) and within seconds the poor boy was besotted.  She flicked her auburn hair and walked up to our table.  I in turn, and involuntarily, flicked my own hair and found that a short bob does not flick as well.  'A' is the Aries

in the group, she is energetic, adventurous, confident and courageous.  She is a free spirit and highly sexed and very vain, Aries are in love with love.  They exude sexual allure and absolutely demand that they are noticed and adored!  I felt a little frumpy as she approached the table.  Acutely aware that all eyes were on her (and that I probably lost all attention of that waiter) I maintained my pride and greeted her heartily! 

The second to Arrive was 'B', she whirled into the restaurant with the gusto of a small hurricane as she flung open the door and

thundered in coat in one hand, umbrella in the other.  Her lips painted scarlet, her eyes heavily lined. She is the Scorpio in the group and is both charismatic and mystifying.  I could see the young waiter's attention was drawn to her and he seemed to be in a dilemma as to whom he fancied more!  I felt a little threatened.  'B' looked over at our table, she smiled acidly and eyed 'A' up with considerable hostility, 'B' being a Scorpio was prone to sudden and irrational outbursts of jealousy.  I felt uneasy and prayed that the night would pass quickly.  'A' took this hostility as mere acknowledgement of her beauty and chuckled to herself.  

Just as both women were about to engage in sporting verbal abuse, the restaurant door opened letting in a gust of wind and 'C' with it. She stood at the doorway for a while taking in the scene; 'C' was wearing a pair of brown Chinos and a beige shirt, her hair was sensibly pulled back and her make up was clear and fresh.  She smiled serenely at the young waiter who seemed to get quite excited and bashful.  'C' is the Libra

in the group; she is energetic and loving and her attitude is always pleasant.  She stands tall and confident and exudes a freshness and a life force wherever she goes.  'C', although not the prettiest in the group, is the kind of girl any boy would love to love, the freshness she portrays and the politeness and loving attitude renders most men helpless.  I felt a little inadequate at this point and knew full well that my young waiter had all but forgotten about me!

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, in walks 'D' and 'E' together.  They always arrive together, being neighbours, they tend to car share.  'D' was dressed to kill, in a mini dress and a pair of platform killer heels, she has curled her hair especially for the occasion and her cleavage leaves little to the imagination!  'D' is a Gemini

and is on a continues jovial high!  She giggles and bubbles and cackles all over the place, and is on the outlook, a fun type of girl.  She sees 'A' and curls her lip in dismay (slight jealousy) as she checks her reflection in the door glass.  'E' trips in behind her (no doubt half tipsy) and lets out a glass shattering laugh.  I cringe into my seat.  'E' is the the Taurus

of the group and her strength is sometimes draining.  She does not do anything by halves and her presence is ever dominating. I look over at the waiter, he is delightfully confused and the look upon his face indicates that he has found heaven!  I am fast changing my mind about him and begin to think him rather immature!  the girls were seated, the waiter was getting ready to plunge into paradise, (he was getting his notepad ready) and was spit combing his hair to the side with his trembling fingers.  I felt positively frumpy as I looked down at my plain black dress and my sensible boots.  I knew (by virtue of my chosen job) I come across as the nerdy one!  

'A' and 'B' exchanged deathly looks before smiling warmly and complimenting each other through gritted teeth and insincere gestures.  'D' thrusts her chest and gets their attention before she snipes a bitchy remark in both their direction.  'B' rattles her tail and 'A' displays her horns, I fear a BF (bitch fight) is about to break out, and that young waiter is now approaching our table.  I feel sorry for him, he is too young to be scarred by vicious middle aged, sex starved, frustrated housewives!  But he is approaching and a fight is brewing and there was nothing I could do!  My Aries being impulsive and short tempered hissed at 'D' and asked if her boobs were fake.  At which point an argument broke out and 'B', my Scorpion friend took it all a bit too personally, and then 'D' had a personality change and became suddenly very aggressive. and the poor waiter found himself in the middle of it.  Stood frozen to the spot with pen and pad in his hand he looked horrifically from one old crow to the other!  Not so charming close up!!  

I intervened, (more for the waiter's sake) and told them all to calm down, and see the happy, positive side of this union; I being an Aquarius possessed a more carefree, nonchalant attitude towards life and cared not for wars and disputes of any kind.  I, in metaphorical terms being the hippy of the group. 

   

'Peace guys,' I soothed as they proceeded to shout and scream, until 'E' asserts herself, butts her horns and tells them to behave. There is a deadly silence in the restaurant (as all other diners watch on) but 'E' is stubborn and she is about to charge.  This is taken with a sense of respect by 'B' and she winds her tail in, and 'A' backs away and even 'D' pulls her top up to cover her cleavage.  'C' smiles at the ladies and changes the subject to this year's GCSE results.  All is calm once again, the women are united in motherly conversations. 

We look up and the waiter has gone, in his place is a waitress she is looking at us with fierce eyes and a curled mouth.  I am guessing this one is a Capricorn!