AUTHOR'S CORNER;

THE GARDEN OF EDEN

Said Adam to Eve on a glorious day, 'Come here Eve, I'm gonna get you all hot and bothered!'  Eve smiled shyly at this and contemplated a favourable time.  So she went to Adam, all smiles and blushes.  She held out her arms for Adam and awaited his attention.  'But first,' said Adam, 'I wouldn't mind a nice cup of tea.' So off she went, out into the fields, past the river and up to the steep hillside, where she hand picked the finest tea leaves, which belonged to a tea farmer named Tetley, who charged her three whole fig leaves for her purchase!  And she dried the leaves in the hot sun, fetched some water from the river, rubbed two sticks together to start a fire, and boiled them up to brew.

After he drank his brew and sighed with delight, Eve stayed shyly by his side, awaiting his attention.  'Oh,' said he, as he reclined back in contemplation.  'Wouldn't it be lovely if I had a nice hot sizzling steak to fill my belly?'  So off she went out into the wild with a sharp jagged piece of rock that she had found the week before, and some wooden spears, which she had made the previous month (to pass the time away) in search of some poor prey.  She hunted down a baby Lambasorous and hit it hard over the head with her jagged rock.  After hacking at it, skinning it and slicing a thick piece of meat off its carcass; she set about the process of fire making once more and cooked it to perfection.  Adam ate it all up, with not so much as a thank you.

'Oh Eve, darling,' said Adam at last.  'This cave is getting rather dirty!'  So Eve ran outside to fetch her pet dinosaur named Hoover and she made him suck up all the dirt with his hairy snout!  She sat beside Adam, feeling rather tired, but still she smiled and batted her eyelashes.  Adam smiled back and reached for her hand, his touch was warm and tender.  'Do we have any reading material?' he asked.

She went to her study section of the cave, and chiselled upon a tablet of stone all the gossip that had been going on in the neighbourhood. Feeling quite proud of herself she handed it to her beloved.  Adam chuckled to himself as he ignored her for half an hour and read the latest news.  After which he sighed quite loudly and said, 'I could murder a nice cool drink!'  At this Eve got quite cross, she could feel the anger rise in her chest; she stamped her delicate foot upon the stony cave floor and placed her hands upon her hips!  'Adam,' she said in high pitched tone, 'you have had me running around for you the entire day; I've made you tea, I've made you dinner, I've cleaned the cave and even fetched your tablet! I have been waiting patiently for you to keep your promise and what have you done about it?'  Adam looked at Eve and shook his head in mockery and smiled cheekily at his wife.  'I told you I was gonna get you all hot and bothered!' he said.