THE GARDEN OF EDEN;

HOW DO I LOVE THEE?

'How do you love me?' asked Adam of Eve.  

'I'll show you,' said Eve. So she ran to the fresh spring and washed her beautiful hair and ordained it with blood red roses.  'Very nice,' said Adam.  'But how do you love me?'  

'I'll show you,' said Eve as she rushed off to the garden and with the juice of pomegranates, stained her pretty lips until they were lush and alluring.  'Not bad,' Adam observed.  'But how do you love me?'  She giggled cheekily and winked at him, as she ran off into the forest.

Eve found a beehive and from it she extracted some wax and melted it over a fire until it was liquid and hot.  She smeared the hot wax over her legs as she bit down on a bark to stop her screaming.  Once the wax had set, she yanked it off and with it all the hair on her legs.  She showed her long, smooth legs to Adam and he smiled coyly.  'Lovely,' he said.  'But how do you love me?'

Eve ran off in search of strawberries, mashed them up into a purée and smeared them onto her cheeks, which made her appear to be blushing.  'Not bad,' said Adam as he admired her.  'But how do you love me?'  Eve frowned at this and she felt she had to try harder.  So in an attempt to please her beloved, she picked a large coconut, halved it, made holes on either side of each half, threaded vine through them and made a constraint for her breasts, which held, constricted and lifted them all at once.  She showed her beloved.  this pleased him, but he asked once more, 'How do you love me?'

Eve thought long and decided to do something spectacular, so she found a couple of feet sized logs, attached a five inch rock to the bottom of each ( bound together by vines) and she strapped them to her feet, which only served to enhance her long glossy legs.  Adam liked this, for a little while, and then asked, 'And how do you love me?'

Eve decided that perhaps actions speak louder than words, and she set about cooking her beloved an extravagant meal, which she found hard to do in her new bosom constraints and her block buster heels.  She served his meal and with the remainder of the bee wax she made some candles for special effect.  Adam ate up his meal by candlelight and drank some raspberry juice.  After his meal he then turned to her and asked, 'How do you love me?'

Eve proved this by waiting hand and foot on her beloved and still he asked, 'How do you love me?'  She had his babies, cleaned his cave and cooked him three meals a day.  She grew tired from all the cooking, plump from all the baby making, her bosoms hurt from the manufactured constraints, her feet ached from the block busters, her face itched from the strawberry stain, her legs blistered from all the hot waxing, and she was in constant discomfort.  All the while Adam grew stronger, handsomer, and happier.  He ate well, had many children to entertain him and his wife was colourful, smooth, and wore the most amazing and interesting booby constraints, which kept him amused.  

So when Eve finally asked of Adam a simple question; a question which perhaps she might have been expecting an amazing answer to, instead she received an answer which left her in deep shock and long contemplation.  She asked of Adam after a tiring long day, 'How do you love me?' hoping for a life changing and self fulfilling answer.  Adam answered her question with a simple, swift, yet complex reply which left Eve and all the other Eves ever since in confused contemplation;  the answer was ...'I am here aren't I?'