AUTHOR'S CORNER;

THE NEW YEAR DREAM

Within each passing moment in time and space, a yearning is awakening and the winds of doubt they are stirring.  A wish is lingering on the brink of emotion and is pulsating in time with my beating heart.  A dream is forming and an idea is set about and is festering in the corners of my mind.

Within the shadows of illusion a figure is forming clearly, a shadowy being with large hands and wild, wind swept hair.  A hollow man has emerged and from amidst the dust he stands tall, for he be the man of illusion who represents all his victims.  A sweeping impulse has taken me, a deep desire, a nagging thought and a twisted gut.  The winds of doubt they keep stirring and the idea is festering in the corners of my mind.

Within the chaos and destruction a child rises to its feet, from the rubble of the great wars of famine he shall rise and take his place beside the other.  For he be the child of famine who represents all those who have perished this way.  A need has formed from out of empathy and guilt has turned into a decision.  The winds of doubt they are stirring and that idea is festering and spreading like poison in my mind.

Within the debris of battlegrounds a young corpse gets to his feet and takes up arms, he takes his place next to the others.  He is the soldier of wars of greed and represents all his brothers and sisters who have sacrificed their lives for someone else's greed.  A tear is forming and an anger is rising, I feel their loss and the loss of their families.  And those winds of doubt, they just keep on stirring and that idea has festered in my mind.

Within the corridors of casualties, there they all rise, a woman beaten, an Aids victim, a tramp begging, a child crying, a homeless mother, a dead child.  There they all are, representing the casualties of greed, showcasing the modern world!  A deep breath is taken, a heartbeat is skipped, there is a lump in my throat and I am very still.  Because the winds of doubt they have stirred and that idea has festered in my mind.

Within our grasp, within our hands, within our freewill.  Let us rise from the silence and put end to the suffering of the casualties of greed.  Let us put our hands together and take one singular breath. Let us stare injustice in the face and say no.  For the winds of doubt, they have stirred for long enough, and that idea is now truly set in our minds.  

Let us want and wish for a better new year, where suffering that is man made be stopped.  Where the people put right what has been wronged.  Where we give our children a fighting chance, and honour our youth, respect our elderly and cherish our people.  Let the winds of doubt stir and let that idea fester in our minds!

AUTHOR'S CORNER;

CHRISTMAS DINNER AND HALF A NOVEL!

After much begging to my butcher and an awful lot of smiles (more than is necessary for butcher customer dealings) I have managed to obtain that wretched elusive halal turkey!

He assures me that the big fellow is worth every penny and that he was hand picked from amongst thousands and slaughtered humanely by gentle hands! And what a tasty bird that one will certainly make around a festive table!  He even has a picture of him pre-dead, on his wall behind the counter.   Ah how sweet, he does look as though he is worth every penny!

Safe within the knowledge that I now have a turkey to cook and serve on Christmas day, I abandon     my novel and get to peeling a few vegetables!  At which point my entire family seem to be consumed by some obscure chore somewhere else in the house and they are nowhere to be seen and three of my fingernails have already chipped and broken!

I have no voice with which to complain, as I am calmly reminded that Eid is in fact OUR celebration and that I have chosen to do Christmas and nobody actually asked me to!  Well excuse me for trying to bring some Christmas cheer into our lives!

I think of my novel as I am busy peeling and chopping and it suddenly springs to mind with complete clarity, why it is my heroin is always so dark and moody and carries within her heart a tortured flame by which she wallows in self-pity and misery.  I finally began to understand, as I peeled away at the twentieth carrot, why my characters are such man haters and revengeful bitches to say the least.  I glazed the carrots with honey and knew instantly that my kids would not want to try any!  

I turned my attention to my turkey, now murdered and plucked and reminding me of a scene from my bathroom mirror when I accidentally dropped the towel as I shuffled out of the shower cubical 

(I shan't say in which angle I happened to look from, but enough said, you get the picture) and vowed to have that bloody mirror removed, of course objections from the family have meant that mirror is still there, taunting and mocking me every time I shower! 

The turkey (which I shall call Henry for now) plucked and headless, looked a bit bewildering, I set about preparing the stuffing and musing at how big the bird actually was.  As I stuffed Henry, Chapter Eighteen came to mind and I managed to figure out how my heroin will finally get rid of her husband!  She will have to kill him, behead him and stuff his body full of sawdust and then throw him into the river!  I found myself stuffing more vigorously as in my mind's eye, my heroin emerged from her room, dressed in red, with a mean expression on her face, she makes her way to the study where her mean husband is reading his evening paper; cigar in hand, whiskey on the table beside his armchair.  My heroin takes out the carving knife from her garter and she plunges it into his neck, slash slish, she beheads him!  

"How much did you spend on this?"

I am interrupted by my husband, and my novel seems to evaporate into turkey skin as I look up from the stuffing. "How much did you spend?" Repeats my husband.  I have to think quickly I don't want to get in trouble, "It is eight Kilos, darling, the biggest one I could find....considering all YOUR family are coming over!"  He waits patiently for my answer.  "It was only thirty five pounds!" I lie.

"Thirty five pounds for a bird?" asks my hubby. "Waste of bloody money!" he says!  

He walks out of the kitchen and my heroin returns with a vengeance "You had the knife just there," she says, "why didn't you do it?"

I find that working quietly is the best way to work; well that's what I tell myself, since no one is willing to help me!  But then wait, I hear a sound, it sounds like....hoovering!  I look out of the kitchen door and find my husband hoovering the place for me....Bless, and to think my heroin wanted me to behead him!  I am filled with new found love for my husband and berate myself for thinking badly of him!  I don't deserve him!  And for a split second I am full of guilt and remorse until...."How many Shloer drinks did you bloody buy?"  

 asks he who has now stopped hoovering and is looking in my fridge commenting and fussing over things he does not understand!  "I told you," said my heroin, "I told you to kill him!"

And just as I'm about to answer back, I hear a crackling sound and my nostrils are filled with the aroma of BURN.  I follow the smell to the cooker and peer into a pan which has a sticky orange goo at the bottom of it....I managed to burn the carrots!  Who the hell burns carrots?

My heroin and I decide that someone shall die before the end of the day; meanwhile, she is stood beside me in the kitchen whispering insane words into my ear.  I look at my half-stuffed turkey and decide that Henry is getting on my nerves!  

The heat is on and I really do want to get out of the kitchen, but I can't, I am trapped and I have guests coming and I will not, will not, lose face in front of hubby!  Christmas will go ahead!

The kids come into the kitchen and ask for lunch!  DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE?  I AM COOKING CHRISTMAS DINNER!!!  

"What is wrong?" asks hubby.  "You're not upsetting the children, are you?"

"No dearest I'm not!" I say sweetly.  My heroin hands me the knife...

My kids look at me then at their dad, they can sense an argument is about to break out and they are trying to decide which side to take.  I bite my tongue, smile politely and stick some chips in the oven.  I will win the day!!  My heroin hands me a fork and I stab the turkey! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!  I am sooo frustrated!

But then my husband smiles at me and gives me a kiss, "You have really made an effort Sam," he says as he gives me a cuddle.  He leaves and as he does, I am left feeling quite warm and fuzzy, it feels a lot like Christmas and I have new found optimism.  Soon the family will be here! 

"Ah well, Happy Christmas!" says my heroin, I smile at Henry, he was worth every penny.  My kids are giggling and there is a cheery atmosphere, I venture out of the kitchen to see.  They have put decorations up and the whole house looks Christmasy and dreamy!  

My turkey is in the oven, my roast potatoes are roasting, veg is cooking and I have peeled and honey glazed more carrots....the Shloer is chilling in the fridge and my heroin has made up with her fictional husband, I shall give them a happy ending for a change!

MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL!

AUTHOR'S CORNER;

THE END OF THE WORLD!

In anticipation of the world ending today - the 21 December 2012; I went ahead and ordered frightfully expensive presents for my husband's birthday (on 31st December) and took absolutely no notice of that niggling feeling in the pit of my stomach.  I also happily bought my daughter a new frock and coat so that she can attend a Christmas party.  I have stocked up on food this winter and bought such unnecessary items like Shloer, The Soft Drink for Grown-ups!  Not to mention the juicy halal turkey that I have ordered (it costs like three times more for the privilege of having it slaughtered) and I didn't stop there....no, I even invited extra guests round for the festive season!  Well I had it on good authority that the world was ending today and that the 25th of this month wouldn't really count!  But guess what?  I'm still alive, and there was no eclipse or sudden flood or explosion...the Mayans got it wrong people!!  

Only now, I am faced with a big bill for hubby's gifts, a food cupboard full of absolutely too much food and ten (yes ten) bottles of Shloer The Soft Drink for Grown-ups and a turkey that's the size of a small county!  I have bought more sprouts than I care to cook or eat and I think there is a serious threat that I may actually be hosting a party come Christmas day....

I can't possibly imagine what on earth possessed me to go a little loopy over the last week; perhaps it was the knowledge of end of life or the winter depression seeping in, or the fact that kids and hubby have been hanging around and demanding (like it's the end of the world) that drove me to the edge, made me throw caution to the wind and go cyber shopping crazy!!  

SHAME ON ME, AND TO THINK THERE WAS I ON THIS VERY SAME BLOG PAGE A FEW WEEKS AGO PREACHING TO YOU GOOD PEOPLE NOT TO SPEND TOO MUCH ON CHRISTMAS!  I SEEM TO HAVE FALLEN INTO THE TRAP!  SHAME ON ME!  SHAME, SHAME!

Not only did I go a little mad on the cyber shopping saga, I found, that although I didn't really believe it, but in being armed with the knowledge that the world was going to end, I became quite honest and open with people and my opinions have been voiced on more than one occasion....

 

everyone I know is now tiptoeing around me, and the cat keeps hissing and arching its back every time I walk by!  

I am not a good winter person, (I am not good in summer either) and I find the grey skies depress me and the urge to do stupid things increase...needless to say I always regret it by February, when all the dust has settled and the winter blues have lifted and the bills are coming in!  Perhaps I ought to just not do anything in winter....

I patiently waited for the world to end today, sporting my best frock and with a full face of make up (well if I'm to perish I ought to look my best) and even ate whatever I liked and forgot all about my diet.  The end (gratefully) did not come, instead Tesco home delivery came with even more food and six more bottles of Shloer: I now own Shloer in all the range of flavours possible.  Thankfully I don't drink, otherwise no doubt i would have purchased a boozer this Christmas!  

All this end of the world malarkey has left me mentally drained!  I mean even if it was the end of the WORLD, who wants to know?  I mean what on earth can anyone do about it if it was the end of the WORLD?  It's the end of the world, not just your life, it's not like you can leave a will or make sure that your property and family are looked after....there will be no one there!  Who would be left to care?  So why tell people, why make such a song and dance about it?  What, people will watch?  There won't be anyone there to watch and even if they watched as they were departing, it won't matter, we would all eventually be dead anyway! 

I blame the media propaganda for my obsessive shopping!

Now that I am alive, I had better go and start planning Christmas dinner!

AUTHOR'S CORNER;

TIME WARP

WHAT IS IT ABOUT CREATIVE PEOPLE?  WHAT MAKES THEM WANT TO CREATE A PIECE OF ART, COMPOSE MUSIC, WRITE THAT NOVEL? 

As any insane person or someone with a very vivid imagination will tell you, time is not just a flitting wind which we ride upon and eventually evaporate into space and dust!  Time is a continuum of events which neither perish nor move on!  The fact that we can't go back in time, is not evidence enough that time does not exist in parallel lines and that we actually always exist and are always in our various states of progression.  In other words, is it so far fetched that whilst the grown up me is here, the younger me is still alive and well in 1985, and the older me is doing very well in the year 2040, thank you very much!  Imagine time as an elastic band, it is neither backwards nor forwards, but bends and stretches in various directions accommodating with it all life within a concentrated blob.  Hence - I will always exist, even when I die, because just behind me, in a split second, there is another me, and another and another.  All continuing on a continuous loop, from birth to death, to birth to death etc...Immortality at its finest!!  

NO?  

Nah!  I didn't think so either!  Nice thought, but completely loopy and if any of you actually agreed with me, or even begun to believe me....guys, I think you need to see someone!

But here it brings us to the original question.   What makes creative people want to create pieces of art, music, literature?  What drives those people to sit alone in a room and paint, compose write, when there is nobody there to see them and more, there is no guarantee that anyone will ever see their work?  The answer, simple; they want to carve a space in time where they will always belong.

If my artwork is on canvas, it will be there a lot longer than I will.  If my music is composed, the generations after me will listen and keep my essence alive.  If I am on film, I will never age.  If my novel is in print, my words will influence people for years and years and years to come!  Immortality achieved - life (if only in creative form) forever!  

Is not Mozart alive and well and in our hearts, is there not a corner of the world which is familiar with his music in one form or another?  Does the Mona Lisa still smile at us?  And is Shakespeare not still whispering in our ears?  Have they not been kept alive?  Alive in an endless time warp that will far exceed any human expectancy.  

So if immortality was to ever exist for us mere mortals it can only exist through the parting of thought, through the vision of colour and texture, through the sounds of music and through the world of minds which will be transformed and transported and handed down from one generation to the other.  Like a star in the sky it will burn on long after its material form has perished!

AUTHOR'S CORNER;

SCROOGE AND THE LITERARY SPIRITS

In this day and age where recession seems to be the flavour of the era, and prices are sky high that one finds they have to make serious decisions between an essential item such as FOOD or a not so essential item like dishwasher powder!  It is fair to say, that Christmas in itself represents a bit of a financial dilemma, especially if you happen to be a struggling writer who is quite frankly reliant on the mercy of your book sales!  Just this morning on the news it was announced that an estimated five million Brits were about to embark on short-term loans!  The country is in trouble people and yet here we are trying to bankrupt ourselves even further!  What the hell is wrong with us?

However, it is Christmas and everyone knows how important this merry season is, the children have been looking forward to it, so has aunt Mavis!  The turkey alone is going to cost you a fortune, not to mention all the trimmings - well, you weren't going to serve just turkey?

Which brings us to the next hurdle; the presents.  In this day and age where expense is equated to love and extravagance is surmountable to your generosity, one has to appear giving and not stingy in front of the family.  Shall we take out a short-term loan?  NO, wait, let us explore..... you are after all a writer; a creative creature who has the insight and ability to create magic out of nothing.  One must look deep within, conjure up that magic and sparkle with the sheer force of your insight and imagination and creativity.... here's how....look deep, deep within.....

THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST

Think back to when you were a child; remember how magical Christmas used to be?  When I was a kid my father used to have so many delights underneath the Christmas tree it felt like I had been transported to a magical world.  He used to go down to the market, he would buy cheap but fun things - such as brightly knitted scarves, jumpers and hats.  Dad would find old biscuit tins and fill them with sweets, chocolates, hair bands, fun, cheap jewellery and pencils and colouring pens.  He used to have a sack filled with bubble bath bottles, body spray and the cheap odd (market bought) lipstick, all tied up in that bag with a shiny ribbon around it.  I used to excitedly look forward to the yearly calender and that essential fluffy pair of slippers that kept my feet warm throughout the winter!  The tree was heavily decorated with cheap tinsel and a big, handmade fairy sat happily on top looking down on us.  If I ever received a big item - such as a bike, it would be one that dad had rescued from a skip somewhere and spent a few weeks fixing and painting for me!  My dolls were not Barbie, instead they had weird and obscure names such as Trixie, or Mimi, all bought from the market for a fraction of the price.  I was the happiest child on Christmas day!  And mum and dad were happy too, because they were NOT in debt!!

As a creative person, you should be able to use your initiative and create a magical, gift filled Christmas without breaking the bank!  Of course in this day and age kids expect the Wii or Playstation or whatever else the bloody media has put in their tiny minds!  Keep it to one expensive gift and the rest make up yourself.  Go and search in your local market, find old biscuit tins and fill them up with goodies, incorporate some essentials in your gifts, such as that pair of gloves you were going to have to buy anyway, or those pyjamas that your child needs!  

THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT

Don't worry about their friends; they are not their friends, they are your children!  Unfortunately what the media has been very successful in teaching us, is to keep up with our peers!  That is a falsity that has been planted in our subconscious in order to make us all spend money - often money we don't actually have!   Don't be a fool, don't pass that on to your own children!  The best thing you can do is teach them to live within their means, it will serve them well in the future.   

When my kids say "Oh so and so has that!" or "My friend can do this"  I always have the same reply "Good for them, but they are not my children, therefore it doesn't concern me!"  More so, if they want to compare, try turning their attention to those who have less and are living on the breadline and let them compare that!  If the urge to spend money is that great - try giving to the less fortunate and perhaps they too could have a fairly nice Christmas!  Think people, how long after Christmas do your kids still use those very, very, very expensive gifts?

THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS YET TO COME

Set the trend and you will never have to worry again!  If you buy what you can afford and only what you can afford, then people will come to expect this of you and never expect more!  Your kids will not be disappointed at receiving bubble bath and brightly knitted scarves, sweets, colouring pens and pyjamas.  And aunt Mavis will come to expect that lovely glittery hat from Primark!  

Also, you are doing your children a favour; you are breaking that horrible vicious cycle the world is in and effectively saving them from getting into debt when they are adults!  People must learn that it is not the cost that makes for the feeling of love; it's the sentiment and the effort that has gone into creating a special gift!

AUTHOR'S CORNER;

WRITING THE CHRISTMAS SHOPPING LIST!

In this festive season, one finds it necessary to put down the wretched novel and turn one's attention to the dreaded task of shopping for Christmas stuff - such as (expensive and unnecessary) gifts for the family, cards for people you never really speak to and crackers which contain bits of tat and useless (unfunny) jokes!  Decorations which quite frankly you could make out of some old loo rolls, glitter and a glue pen, and fairy lights which only seem to work up until Christmas eve!  So with the metaphorical writing pen put aside, take up the dreaded shopping list and go forth into the world of the retail industry and mingle amongst the shoppers and stand in many queues and pray for the world to end!

'TO BUY OR NOT TO BUY?  THAT IS THE QUESTION.'

Buying presents for children is easy, all kids want is the latest toy, easy.  Buying for adults - not so easy; adults are fussy, ungrateful and generally grumpy and dissatisfied with life in general.  When buying a present one has to consider a few of the following questions and comments an adult relative may throw in your direction:  Have you not had time to shop this year?  Have you been busy lately?  Oh goody, another pair of slippers!  Didn't I give you this mug last Christmas?  I see you shop from my nan's catalogue.  Oh no, they've made you redundant!  
You go shopping, on the hunt for presents for those ageing relatives, those distant strange cousins and their even stranger spouses.  You linger reluctantly by the underwear aisle as your hand hovers awkwardly over the sequenced bras; would aunt Tracy like them?   Is it the type of thing one buys aunt Tracy? - You've bought her everything else over the years!  Your vision blurs as you relentlessly look at price tag after price tag, trying to keep a mental budget.  Your heart sinks as you approach the till, and wonder whether your credit card can cover it all!

When Buying that pair of boxer shorts for uncle Brian, or that egg whisker for Aunt Mavis, or that cheap, market perfume for mum, consider this - do you really want to upset them?  Or to put it another way, are you man enough to face yet another frosty Christmas dinner and a drunken slagging match at the end of the night?  You could have sworn that they gave you specific instructions last year not to buy anything expensive and to make their presents practical.  Oh how wrong you were to listen to them!  They didn't mean it really....they were lying, they were trying to catch you out!  THEY WANT YOU TO BE THEIR SANTA 


HOW DO I LOVE THEE?

As any ungrateful, unhappy, determined to spoil Christmas relative will tell you, a present is a symbol of your love and affection for the person!  When buying mum a cheap perfume, you are actually telling her that she is past her sell by date and that no living man apart from dad will ever sniff in her direction.  When presenting aunt Mavis with an egg whisk you are letting her know that her place is in the kitchen, when hurling a pair of union flag boxer shorts at uncle Brian....well, I don't even need to tell you!


O, CALL BACK YESTERDAY, BID TIME RETURN!
  
They all smile at you with dagger eyes; all your hard, tiresome, well intentioned work is fast fading, you want to die!  Christmas is officially ruined, your relatives hate you and you are in so much debt it will take you five years to repay it....and Christmas is coming round again next year!

HELP ME........OH HELP ME!


THOU ART ALL ICE, THY KINDNESS FREEZES

Now you are feeling frustrated, you know that it will all end in tears, what you have spent so much time on trying to make perfect is about to be dissolved the instant the presents are exchanged!  You can feel your mood changing, your temper is tinkering on explosion.  And it shows, it shows in everything you do and you become cranky....and your relatives will accuse you of being a MEAN OLD COW!!

And there is no way back, once a bad present has been given, it is etched in time and your name will be the topic of many a dinner party conversation.  And you shall be known as the stingy, the mean, the unkind!


THINGS WITHOUT REMEDY SHOULD BE WITHOUT REGARD, WHAT IS DONE IS DONE......

So this year, yes this year, when shopping, don't stress too much; you have already messed it up last year, they now have you down as a bad gift giver....just buy whatever you see on the shelf, wrap it up nicely and place a bow on top.  Hand them their presents, sit back and wait for their faces to drop!

After all, you are not Santa!

AUTHOR'S CORNER;

HIDE ME PLEASE; I'M A WRITER!

I've just finished the first draft proofread to my book!  As I downloaded and printed it out for checking I felt that familiar dread nestle in my chest and grow and spread to engulf me in mortified fear!  Why?  Which writer doesn't?  

But I am pleased to say (yes, very pleased) that for the first time in history I actually really, really, REALLY enjoyed it.  You see where as before I would have cringed at re- reading my own work, finding fault as I observed with a critical eye the produce of my labour, this time, much to my surprise and sheer delight.....I ACTUALLY QUITE ENJOYED IT!

It begs the question, why are so many writers very critical of their writing?  I mean, you write the novel and you think it's the best thing since sliced bread.  You then proceed in sending it off to the publisher and pride yourself on a great job (a whole year at least out of your precious life) and you sit back and delight in the fact that it will be accepted.  It does get accepted, you cheer, and your kids are once again safe from your bad, BAD temper!  Then comes the day (oh and it does come) when you are sent the first amended proofread for your 'consideration'  and ooops!  Oh my God!  Cringe, cringe, I could have done this better!  Of course the truth is....you did do it well, otherwise the publisher would never have accepted it in the first place!  You would have never sold a single copy, and nobody would have written lovely reviews about you on Amazon!  But nonetheless, you are eagle-eyed and very self damning and you just want to start again!

But as any artist (or arteeest, as I like to say) will tell you, we are very critical of our own selves; we doubt ourselves in almost everything we do, hence we seek to hide our self doubt behind our 'art' and pretend to the world that we are self assured, happy, stable and sane people!  My personal opinion, that's what gets the creative juices going - self doubt, the need for reassurance, the desire to be noticed and the yearning for recognition.  

We are fragile souls who may have insight but doubt our own ability to please.  We are tender beings who see the world intensely and in that intensity wonder if our perception is ever right or whether we are merely victims of unfulfilled childhoods or a stint of bad adolescence that has left us warped and scarred and a little neurotic to say the least! 

And more so, with every book we churn out we have given a little of our soul, exposed a bit of our emotions, added a chunk of our hearts into it.  We may hide behind our characters and paint a literary picture of love, deception, anger, hurt, insecurities; but all is a mask of inner, personal, heartfelt emotions - all masked by our deceptive disposition!

And I find myself asking, on this happy and rare occasion; did my writing improve, or has my confidence finally grown?  In my satisfaction at my pending novel, have I finally found the right formula, or have I finally grown to see myself as my readers do?  I think it may be a combination of both; for the more you write the better you get, and the better you get and the more people tell you, the better you see yourself!  

I shall dwell in my happy moment for a while; I've earned it!  And I shall finally (or at least for now) give up the self doubt and enjoy and accept that I have written a delightfully entertaining novel and wait....wait for it to be published in the new year and hope you all enjoy it!